Four Walls

I have been sick. I have been lying in my room with a fever attacking me from the inside out for almost three days now. Sometimes I feel like i'm going stir crazy. These four walls I'm surrounded by are heartless, helpless friends that do little more than block out the rest of the house. Thank goodness for mothers and the internet. I've had time to think and that's never a good thing. Tonight i'm thinking about Libra.

It's been a while since I wrote about her. To tell the truth, I've been avoiding it. She's moved to California and I miss her uncontrollably. It's times like these that I remember that. Normally I'll push it down into those depths that allow us to feel and not have to face those feelings. Tonight, it's right at the surface and my mind is reeling.

How is she? I'm not sure, as it's been a few weeks since we've spoken. I find myself praying that she is okay. I find myself wishing on stars that were already used on wishes. I find myself sitting here, typing this and hoping she might read it, knowing there is not much chance of that.

Anyone who bothers to come back to this place and read my ramblings from day to day should know that I'm a lover, not a fighter. They are too, most likely, or just curious what the lovers are thinking.

Tonight i'm missing Libra. Tonight, in the midst of a fever and aches and pains and through the soft coolness of the cloth on my head, her smile and those damn beautiful eyes haunt me silently.

It took Shakespeare 115 times trying but at 116 he finally prophesied for me correctly.

Orbit

I am a planet. I have swirling, different, beautiful planets around me. I laugh with them and cry with them. Our concentric orbits fit so beautifully sometimes I can't tell who is orbiting who. They are my reasons for living. They are my reasons for sitting here spinning, always trying to defy my own gravity and fly out into the night black universe.

Should I name them all I would be here forever. Some orbit closer than others at times, but they are all there. Those planets that have pulled me with such force, making me different while i am sitting here spinning.

Sometimes we've collided. We've left great craters on each other. Still, only the surface is broken, the terrain marked with past indiscretions. The core remains unscathed and boiling with a need to have them close. Sometimes I am mundane, simple, just a man with a job and a life to survive.

Sometimes I'm a planet.

Mr. Happy Go Lucky

This absence had a purpose. I felt like writing here had turned into an outlet for only one set of my emotions. That was never it's intention. I realized that I had labeled this place for the dark and the desolate sides of myself. While I love exploring that place that is so much a part of me, I think that my presence here was overly dismal.

I'm not resolving to all of a sudden be happy-go-lucky on this website. I'm resolving to remember that the good things in my life deserve a place in the moon as well.

The sun brightens my day...
The moon brightens my soul.