Rain

It's raining. Not just outside. It's 2:05 in the morning, and it's raining. I feel like the mundane has invaded. I feel like the things in life that are the most important to me have become wishes, things i think about in the moments before i sink into fitful and too-short sleep.

I'm going to Vegas. It seems random. Yet, in light of the current events in my life, it also seems completely necessary. I need a vacation. Not from my job(s) or from any one specific thing. I need a vacation from myself. This self that had, up until recently, embraced the mundane as if it were all that he had to live for now.

I suppose, at this time of night, I shouldn't be writing. Then again, maybe this is the best time for me to do this. Perhaps we'll try doing this late in the evening, after the world has left me alone to my own devices.

For the first time in a while, i have something to look forward too that doesn't involve what my computer downloaded that day while I was at work. I'm excited, but i'm also scared. I'm scared that when i do look at myself from the outside, as a spectator, i'm going to see what I am and see what decisions i should be making. I'm scared of those decisions.

So it's time to attempt to sleep. I have so many things to do before i'm ready to go on this random trip. So many things, and none of them are bothering me. Am I mentally prepared for the results of this "sabbatical"? I'll let you know on the 23rd.