A Hint Of Jasmine

Another orbit has come around my way again. Tears welled up as I read her first contact with me in what feels like an eternity. Now she is back. Close. She needed to talk and, whether she knows it or not, I needed her. The timing was perfect, and the conversation was beautiful. Her voice has never really left the forefront of my thoughts since i've known her. With it there, only a few hours from me now, my thoughts do a little jig at the idea of getting to see her.

It's nice to know she still thought of me, even as her life moved into extraordinary. I made wishes for her. For her safe journey, for her health, for her to find love, friendship, companionship. As she told me of her time in Greece, her good times, her bad times. I felt like we were leading the same life a few times in the past months. Maybe even having our hearts broken at the same times. Maybe, in some small way, it was Destiny's way of letting us know that we're never alone in the worst of our emotions.

I'm thrilled to see her, thrilled to talk to her, thrilled to know she is close enough to drive to, even for just an evening, even for just a moment. I thought i felt something in the air last week. Something that changed, a new scent. Now I know what it was I was sensing. A hint of jasmine.

Redux

Nothing has changed
Her voice, still returning
Sending chills, bumping across bruises

The way she stands, emblazoned across my memory
The way she kissed, still a fantasy
Her voice, still returning

Nothing has changed
I fade across shadow lakes
Recalling the way she kissed, still a fantasy

The parade outside is never forgiving
While penance in my world isn't necessary
Nothing has changed

Remember that returning isn't easy
Being apart was like a lesson
Now i see the way she stands, emblazoned across my memory
Redux

4ever continued...

Why more now? Everything i've said has fallen on jaded ears. Everything I've done has been seen with clouded eyes. There was never a lie, there was never a motive, there was only this. So I respond now, with words, because they are what I have. I respond now hoping that you will take them for what they are and know that I would never lie about something so important, something so huge that galaxies cry at the sheer force of this feeling. Ignore it, deny it, and still it is true.


I love you unconditionally. I love you without ever needing it to be returned. I would die for you. I forgave you for everything you may ever do that hurts the minute that I fell in love with you. It will never change, never stop, never grow quiet or lessen in it's intensity. It is yours to have. It is yours to keep. I will spend the rest of my life, if need be, trying to show you that what I have, what I feel is not love in words, it is love in action, in thought, in perfection. The only perfection i've ever experienced in life is love. So few times have I loved so perfectly. You were one, you are one. I told you the first time we ever talked of such things. I recited it to you more than once while we were there in perfection. I will always return to there. Always hope to remind you. This love is true and beautiful and undying and will not change.

I believe in you. I believe in this love, even if other love seems so petty and useless. I will always be there with accepting arms. I cannot tell you enough that you are beautiful. I cannot tell you enough that you are loved, by this lost soul.

Maybe you don't believe me. I will always hope for the chance to prove it.

4ever

I'm overtired. It happens when you don't sleep. Not sleeping is symptom of coffee too late in the evening. Not sleeping is a symptom of that one state of mind that exists inside me that is not calm, or zen or happy. That part of me that is still unsure of everything. There are so many things I need to say. More importantly, there are so many things I wanted to ask, wanted to know. Instead, that part of me is in oblivion with no ending, no understanding.

So this is a list then. A list of things I need to say. I could ask why a million times and it wouldn't be enough. I could sit here and go through every moment, every second and come up with everything and it wouldn't be enough.

Why did you say you loved me?
Why did you come looking for me if you were just going to walk away?
Why did you just stop, with no explanation?
You wanted honesty and respect and I gave you nothing but that. Why, from me, was it not enough?
Why did you not believe those words I said to you?
You danced with me and sang with me.
I was never mad, only confused.
I was never angry or spiteful, never lashed out or was disrespectful.
I believe in you, in all that you are.
I called and tried to communicate and all I received was silence. Why so silent?
Don't you know that I love you more than anything? That nothing you could do would change that? That all of the world could tell me to forget you and I never will?
Don't you know that those words are not fluff or cheese though they may sound like it? That they are the most serious statements of the truest feelings?
Can you see how beautiful you are?
Can you see how much I hurt?
Do you know that all I wanted was to talk?
All I ever wanted was you to be happy.
All I ever hoped for was your love and your honesty and your respect.
Do you think that you are so imperfect?

You are beautiful and strong and one of the most amazing people i've ever met. I would never have said those words, never have held you or kissed you like I did if that was not true. In the dream that was the beginning of our relationship, all I could see was happiness ahead. Where did the road turn so swiftly? Sometimes these words all sound the same, hoping that maybe you read them and take them to heart, the way that I mean them.

I never wanted to move on. I only wanted to wait. I only wanted to see you again, in beauty as you always were. So you've slipped and I am helpless to find you. Someday maybe you'll find me. I'll be waiting with arms wide, a smile on my face and nothing but the love I have for you, will always have for you, in my eyes.

No rest and no sleep and always hoping that you are happy. Always.