Deep Freeze

It's cold. I think, if you went back through the history of this blog you would find me complaining about the weather a number of times. I was born with the blood of a mediterranean. My father has that problem too. I'm quite sure I inherited that trait from him. The cruelest part of that trick was being born in New England.

The dramas in my life now are not my own. I exist as a being that does not suffer the burdens of personal romance. I only suffer from other people's lives now. I only suffer from caring what happens to them, and trying to help without becoming more of a problem than a solution.

I desire romance and someone to share it with. Yet, at the same time, i am willing to wait, willing to be picky about what I want. I should be drowning in my own self pity, and instead I am enjoying my singularity. I am enjoying the idea that I will not settle for a relationship just because I do not have one. There are things I need that I will wait for.

I am not a substitute. I want the real deal. I want to find someone that wants me for exactly who I am. I want to find someone that isn't trying to make me "fill in" as their boyfriend. I've done that enough in my life. You get all of me, or none of me. Maybe that's a little harsh, but if you're taking it that way, you don't know me very well. I'm a lover and a fighter. I'm a romantic, a bit of a sap. I am not the typical. I don't want the typical. I want the exceptional. And I will wait.

It's cold. I've been existing in some sort of deep freeze. I'm burning somewhere inside but I'm controlling the temperature. I need to be in control of all of this. One day I'll burst into flame. Until then, all I feel is cold.