Reminder

It's midnight. I guess that means it's Memorial Day. I haven't slept yet. The city is making it's music outside, not bothering me, just intriguing me. Cocktail is on the television. Tom Cruise before the scientology, Brian Brown with a career. I am reminded of the philosophy of it all.

I think back on today and smile. The smell of the grass, the sky in some sort of over-saturated brilliant blue. No matter how dirty the water in that river is, it looked beautiful in the glinting sun. Six years and she has the same effect. She makes me remember how many realities there really are in the world. She makes me remember how beautiful life is, how beautiful she is. She underplays it but it still shows, like the glinting sun.

I think back on today, with my eyes almost too heavy to keep open, and I remember walking and the sites and the sounds and the smell of her, all suntan lotion and lovely. It felt surreal, like the feeling I get from the city.

I am always falling in love with her. I am always falling in love with this city. The place that holds some sort unexplainable beauty for me. The subway ride, no matter how short, reminded me that I should be here. Seeing her walking toward me down the street floored me and I fought to stay standing.

It always feels so directed at her. When I really consider this emotion, this feeling that runs so deep through me when I think of her I know it has so much more meaning than that. It is a reminder, like this city, that life is worth living for so many reasons. That life isn't just for touching, but for diving into and wrapping around you. She reminds me that I am capable of being alive because I can see how alive she is.

Cars are blaring their horns in the city outside, and down the hall, a beautiful woman is fast asleep. I hope she knows the effect she has had on me these six years. So many times, in the midst of turmoil and hard times, she has been a reminder.

A Family Affair

All in all, I survived the weekend. I'm certainly not complaining. Staying in what I'm sure is a multi-million dollar house overlooking a harbor in Rockport, MA certainly isn't anything to complain about. There are ten of us for the weekend and we've been fighting with the weather since Friday and only amongst ourselves a little bit.

As much as I'm thrilled to be on vacation, to be away from work, I am missing a lot of things about home. Even in the sunstreaming morning hours, walking up and down Bearskin Neck I was thinking about home. I was thinking about the radio show Tuesday night and some of the people I've not seen for a while. I was thinking about people I want to see more than I have in the past.

It took us a little too long to get here. Thanks to a closed Mass. Pike. So what should have been a 2.5 hour trip took us right around 6. It rained, it poured, I'm surprised we didn't see locusts at one point. I was not pleased with our map by the end of the day.

We had amazing food, amazing drink, and some good ol' fashioned family gathering fun. Complete with cranky people and the complications of mobilizing 10 people in multiple cars to all go to one place. It worked out just fine, all in all.

So congratulations to my grandparents. 60 years is a long time. It's even longer to be married. We made it through a weekend together. And those smiles are worth a 12 hour drive.

Incidents And Accidents

For the second time in ten years, I saw you. Crossing the room to your table and catching your eye was a mystical moment behind my calm smile. As soon as you were in my sight i knew it had been too long since i'd seen you.

Then the questions started forming in my mind. As the evening passed, though, they didn't stay in order in some list. I guess the melted into a single thought that i resist attempting to explain or describe. Though you wouldn't look me in the eyes, I know you could feel me looking into yours.

I found myself wishing. I caught myself in the act of hoping for ridiculous hopes and pointless futures. I dressed up my life in a suit and hoped that appearances could be everything. And damn you for smiling, for breathing, for your energy, so addictive.

Not that it matters. Not that the universe even blinks in response to my thoughts, my feelings. I am a fleeting moment, an afterthought in the twinkle of a star. Still, in times when I can be your bodyguard again, I am suddenly elevated from afterthought. I am given the keys to some city and the power to adjust life. I a moment that could go on forever.

Thank you from the depths, the fathoms of my being. There was no accident in our meeting again. Coincidence only exists because we don't comprehend the reasons. I will not take this one for granted.

Daze

No one's around to see this
painted on my wall
I can feel my heartbeat
But it doesn't matter at all
All the things I need are here
inside and buried so deep
But without your eyes to help me
my worthless hands won't sleep

You've gotta be crazy
To think I knew
And sitting here in a smoky daze
I know it won't be you
that saves me

Pictures worth a thousand,
pictures, letters, words
But the bottle says i'm hopeless
this just isn't in my world
I need so much to show you
You need so much to see
Breaking chains makes mountains
That melt into my sea

A sorry sight in black and white
how can it grab a color
Without my rosy glasses on
it's amazing I saw some other
Endless summers taking chances
wasting time on hopeless dances
Wasting time on desperate feelings
let the devil do the dealing