Walking

I was driving home this evening. I suppose that's what i always do after work, but that's not the point. The point was that the music in my car was off and the symphony of thoughts flooding through my mind was deafening. I wasn't thinking about one thing, one person, one action or one consequence. I was thinking in a general, zen sort of way. The way I think when i'm walking through the woods, randomly, in the middle of the afternoon.

So yes, i took a walk today. I decided I was going to take a short drive from work and walk through Penwood. It's a state forest/game refuge type place. It has a pretty straightforward trail. Like, there is no chance you could get lost, unless you veer severely off the path. I mean severely. So I asked Fuzy to come. She said...work? bah! And so we went.

We walked. We talked. I was happy. As i write that i think to myself "really?". But the answer is yes. I still had things i had to pay, people i had to deal with, emotions and life things that needed attention. But in those woods, walking, talking, the sun shining. I was happy. The small dose of happiness was quite welcome. Having the Fuz there was just a bonus.

I guess this wasn't going to be completely deep and introspective. Things are ok. They're not wonderful. When have they ever been? But I'm alive and working and meeting new people and making new friends.

I'm numb to some things too. I suppose it will come back to haunt me at some point. For now, though, it's a survival techniqe. It's helping the paragraph before this be true. It's helping me live the day to day and not fall apart in the thinking and feeling of it all. I may need to burst sooner or later. I'm just praying for later.

In the meantime. I'm walking. Trying to avoid the mud, the snow, the rocks, the bumps. Trying to stay on the path, not sure where it's going but always looking out for the scenery. Hoping someone will be there to walk the length of it with me someday. Content, for now, to have my friends to accompany me when they can.