Movie in my Mind

I didn't sleep last night. Thoughts of my Friday night played across the silver screen on the back of my eyelids most of the night. Stunning images. A soundtrack worth repeated listening. I had insomnia and, for once, I didn't mind at all. These were places I had been before. Though, the comparison seems worthless. Nothing will compare to this Friday night. It was beautiful. Even the projector in my mind, it's bulb new and it's film threaded, could not display the images on the silver screen with as much intensity as the actual event.

This morning did not bring me to a refreshed state. I pulled myself out of bed with the little energy i could muster and decided to get something accomplished. I worked on those things that needed it, tackled mundane and accomplished a great many things.

Then I napped. The movie in my mind followed me into my dreams. Insomnia could not find me this time and the few hours I slept in late afternoon worked wonders. The sun was just setting as I woke, the golden light of magic hours streaming through my half-open blinds. It was time to plan the evening.

At first I had thoughts of the casino. It has been a while since I tempted lady luck and tonight felt good. It wasn't meant to be, though, as I would have been going alone. Instead I spoke with Libra briefly. She asked if I'd like to go see a movie. I hesitated, though I don't know that it showed. Did I? Yes. Should I? The result was very unsure. Was I ready to tackle that? Whether it seems ridiculous from the outside, inside I was chilled.

So I said yes. Because it is better to face those things in life, then to let them have such power over us.

I was waiting outside the theater, in the lobby of the mall that housed it. My eyes panned across the crowd. The cinematographer for the evening made sure that just as my eyes passed the right spot, she rounded the corner. The moment, looking back, was beyond perfect. Her walking, her smiling, my attempt at nonchalant. My heart beating so fast, I was afraid she might hear it.

We got tickets. We got food. We watched the movie. Some conversation before, some movie review after. We stood outside in the cold, cigarettes burning, talking, laughing. Then we parted. And the car ride was surrounded by silence.

She made comment, there in the cold. Didn't I miss hanging out with her? Yes. I do.

Sometimes I wish i could change the reel. The movie in my mind is all about her tonight.