Torch Fire

What is it about my life that seems so clandestine? There are times when I am frightened of the significance of such random and beautiful events. One occurred just yesterday.

I went to the beach to meet up with my cousin and some of her friends in the early afternoon. It was a hot, slightly hazy day and the beach was crowded. Bodies laid out to catch the UV as it made it's way lazily through the atmosphere to their skin. Bathing suits in all sizes and shapes and colors. I sat with my cousin's friend and people watched, trying to take it all in, like those people and their suntan lotion.

Then we returned to the family's cottage and enjoyed the afternoon, barbecue and pina coladas. It was wonderful to do nothing, have no definite course of action except to relax and enjoy the weather, the company and the day.

Later in the evening, after food and showers all around, we lit some fireworks. Some were legal, some not so legal, but they were all beautiful. It struck me how destruction can be so beautiful.

Then, it was time for going out. Time for relaxation of a different mind set. Time to mingle and move and flow with the people. We returned to the beach from earlier in the day, deciding to go to one of the bars along the beach front. We chose the one with barely anyone there. On the patio, people lounged, sipping their cocktails and their beers. In the back, where the dance floor was, a barrage of electronic pulsation was beating itself across the room. When we got there, few people were on the floor. One or two lonely souls were trying.

We decided, as a group, to play some pool. Since we didn't want to jump out on the dance floor and the patio seemed to have a clique/group system we didn't understand. As we began our game of pool a group of people came in and glided across the dance floor, joining some others who had already occupied a pool table behind us.

I took a shot, missed and turned for a second before returning to the opposite end of the table to give up my warped pool cue to the other team. She was standing there. The yellow of her shirt was like a sunbeam compared to the rich darkness in her hair. She caught my eye and smiled, a big, beautiful, girlish smile. Then my memory clicked. This was my favorite barista from the coffee bar. This was the girl i had spent so many summers on stage with.

I laughed and shook my head at the randomness. She gave me a hug and we played the "catch up quick, we're out at the bar with other people" game. She had moved, she had found someone good for her. She was enjoying her work. She was dancing and learning to spin techno. She was happy. It glistened in her eye when she said it.

We parted company to our groups. I laughed and relayed who she was to the people I was with, as I'm sure she did the same. We continued our game and I saw her, a few times, on the dance floor. She was moving in the swirling, strobing lights like a post-modern ballerina, at once hitting the beats with her body and flowing through them on her toes. She was beautiful.

At some point, my group decided they were leaving to try the "other" bar. They wanted to see if there were more people, better "atmosphere". I could have stayed where I was all night. I consented, though, and said I needed to say goodbye. So I waited for her to appear again, as she was not on the dance floor. When she did appear, I caught her eye and made an "i'm leaving though I don't want to" gesture. She came over and gave me a hug. I told her how amazing it was to see her.

She looked at me, those eyes so sincere, and said to me, "I'm happy, happy to see you and happy with my life. I was just telling my friends how you had been there when I was the other me and how, all those summers, you had helped me become who I am now. Thank you."

I was dumbstruck on the inside. On the outside, I smiled and told her how beautiful she was when she danced. She smiled and we said our final goodbyes and parted. I followed my friends out and we made out way to the "other" bar. This place was crowded. It had a large patio. I wound up in the corner of the patio, near the beach. There were torches burning all around the patio, maybe for bugs, mostly for atmosphere.

My group was mostly scattered, some looking for men, others looking for booze, some just wandering. I stood there, looking out at the water, and my mind was reeling. Such simple words and such perfect timing. I closed my eyes and listened to the water hitting the beach over the din of the crowd behind me. The torch fires danced in front of my closed eyelids. Danced like she had, into my life again. In that small moment, I burned a little brighter.