In Truth

Only moments ago i was crying into my pillow. Crying because I hadn't said it to you, but whispered it afterward like some high school romance. I know I could. I also know I would have cried it to you and not just said it, calmly, softly, gently, as I meant it. So I'm sorry for speaking of truth to you and then not telling you the simplest truth I have.

I know you understand. Even now that we are separate I know I'll never truly be alone. It's almost unfair to say i'm lonely to you. I hope you know I do not mean to degrade your presence in the very depths of who I am and who I've become because of you.

I don't think I could have ever said enough to explain the feeling. Still you knew it was there. You know it still is. I will never find understanding like yours again. So, in my darker times, I lament losing you, lament the decisions i've made, we've made. And I cry and sob like a child and somehow smile through a constant rain of tears.

In truth, I said I loved you after I hung up the phone.