Completely Tidal

The world and it's motions do not move because of us. We are lucky to catch the waves of the world, go with the flow and not be fighting, swimming the wrong direction, hoping to get somewhere with all our efforts.

So goes the happiness, the sadness, the ups and downs of our lives. It is not that we should control those ups and downs. There is no set of controls to adjust where our lives are. We can only ride the wave, staying faithful and true to ourselves and keeping a vigilant lookout for happiness.

I take the happiness, when it comes, for granted sometimes. As a defense mechanism, I discount it because I'm afraid to accept it. Better to not have it than to lose it? I believe in happiness that comes in those small doses, easy to accept and uplifting. Those doses that get me through mydays.

When joy or happiness or comfort rolls in like some tidal wave crashing against the shore of normal existence, I want to find shelter from it's effects. I think I might drown from the immensity of it all. I feel guilty too, in the midst of my fear of happiness. I feel guilty that I cannot give that happiness to those around me. I feel fear that they hate me for my epiphanies. I want to share somehow, even knowing it's not possible.

Standing in front of her, completely tidal, drowning in those misty blue eyes, I am content and confused. I am afloat and falling. I am asleep and dreaming and awake and wrapped in the proximity of her touch. Stretched over a chasm of the unexpected, my doubts slip and fall, unable to drag me down with them.

Magnetic Poem

storm goddess
shadow the still sea
moan deliriously
together with diamonds
crushing moon mother
like white winter beauty

Losing Everything

What do I have to lose except for everything? What do I have to worry about except falling with no parachute into some situation I have no control over? When did I start caring whether it was dangerous or irresponsible or just plain fucking crazy? I could look in the mirror right now, even just into some reflective surface and see myself and wonder who the hell I am to be so prudent, so responsible, so cautious and paranoid.

Losing everything is the risk that I take every day, with every decision to live my life the way I want to, to be the person I want to be, not who they want me to be. Everything could vanish so easily. Nothing makes things vanish faster than ignoring them, letting them be stagnant because I am too cautious to take the chance.

This is dangerous.
This could end in a flaming heap of heartache and drama.
This could fall apart around us before we can stop it.
This...is living.

Perception Of Time

Crossing my body with powerful lines
I have no deception, perception of time
Or of space and pain that has found in me physical
Translated, unstated and gone

Bright lights or midnights all crowded in circles
Spinning, not winning, no battles to lose
Still I am left with no highway to travel
My way is harder with no one to share

A memory vanished without explanation
A space in that place where my heart should have been
I have no deception, perception of time
I have fallen, I'm falling
And I'm just fine