Completely Tidal

The world and it's motions do not move because of us. We are lucky to catch the waves of the world, go with the flow and not be fighting, swimming the wrong direction, hoping to get somewhere with all our efforts.

So goes the happiness, the sadness, the ups and downs of our lives. It is not that we should control those ups and downs. There is no set of controls to adjust where our lives are. We can only ride the wave, staying faithful and true to ourselves and keeping a vigilant lookout for happiness.

I take the happiness, when it comes, for granted sometimes. As a defense mechanism, I discount it because I'm afraid to accept it. Better to not have it than to lose it? I believe in happiness that comes in those small doses, easy to accept and uplifting. Those doses that get me through mydays.

When joy or happiness or comfort rolls in like some tidal wave crashing against the shore of normal existence, I want to find shelter from it's effects. I think I might drown from the immensity of it all. I feel guilty too, in the midst of my fear of happiness. I feel guilty that I cannot give that happiness to those around me. I feel fear that they hate me for my epiphanies. I want to share somehow, even knowing it's not possible.

Standing in front of her, completely tidal, drowning in those misty blue eyes, I am content and confused. I am afloat and falling. I am asleep and dreaming and awake and wrapped in the proximity of her touch. Stretched over a chasm of the unexpected, my doubts slip and fall, unable to drag me down with them.