Monologue

Speaking when no one is answering doesn't always mean they can't hear you. So it goes with monologues. This is my monologue. This is the place I go to think in words.

These days that are to come are tedious and full of work. Work means money. That's the good part. Work also means tired. Not the kind of tired you experience after a day spent at the beach or the picnic with the volleyball nets and bocce courts. This is the weary tired of the daily grind. This is the tired we experience when the day's tedium hunts out the jugular and takes us down.

This night, though, was filled with revelations and honesty. I can only hope that all good things will come. I will wish on those stars at night, as I always do, with one more wish now to contribute. I will say it every night until it comes true. It's just something I do.

Every road, trail and path i've walked in my life, whether good or bad, has been a self-defining sort of journey. These travels have lead me astray and returned me home. They have made me who I am and destroyed me. I might go back and block a few of those roads if I could. Regret makes us stronger, but love makes us whole.

Things I learned today:
- Monologue, Dialogue, Frog-alog, Lager. These are acceptable and recently accredited additions to the "-alog" family.
- The lucky ones get their wish granted. The unlucky ones get them all granted.
- My father taught me what perfection was before I was old enough to drive.
- Teaching and learning are sometimes simultaneous.
- Eddie Vedder wrote that song so I could play it for her when I was 16, though he may say otherwise.
- Life becomes more precious when it starts to go away.
- There are always stars in the sky.

Apple Pie Ninjas

Ready....Set...Ikea.

If you have not been to an Ikea, i urge you to find one, go to one, make it a date, fly to one, take a vacation near one...just please please please check it out. It's worth it, i promise. You'll buy something. You can't resist. I saw a homeless guy buying a lamp while I was there last night. (Well not really, but he looked homeless.) We bought a futon, some plastic stuff, some other stuff, a rug...ya know, Ikea kinds of things.

Today was a futon-putting-together-cleaning the whole house-apple-pie-making-parent's-visiting-dinner-drinking-kind of day. It was fun. It was long. I'm tired and I'll probably start rambling shortly, so i'll just get onto the things I learned today.

Things I learned today (This weekend):
- Ikea turns normal people interior designers, for better or worse.
- We miss people even when we don't realize it.
- Love has nothing to do with gender.
- Making apple pie is a tedious process, but the reward is worth the tedium.
- Directions with no words. What is this country coming to?!!
- Burn that look onto your mind.
- Love is not a dream.

American Turkey

Thanksgiving has come and gone. I find it amusing that this holiday consists of so many stereotypical American components. We prepare an elaborate and lavish meal, we gather our families together (whether they want to be together or not), we eat and drink until we're full and tipsy and then...we take a nap or watch some football, or both. Could we GET any more American?

Nothing to report of interest on Thanksgiving. We ate at my mother's house this year, instead of having one HUGE family gathering, we had a couple of smaller ones. Then we met up afterwards for dessert. It was nice to eat with Mom and Dad in a smaller setting than the loud confusion that is usually this holiday.

The rest of the day was a triptophanic haze. Once we made it home, I decided to visit Libra. This time of year isn't the best and it was nice to get to see her, as it always is. We talked and laughed and looked at pictures while "The Stand" played in the background on her television. I didn't get home until 3am. But I wouldn't trade times like those for any in the world.

Now, the Christmas shopping begins...

Things I learned today (and on Thanksgiving):
- The cliche of how long it takes to make and then so much less to eat...why do we complain so much and then do it every year?
- Eating at a family function is like getting stuck in a food wormhole that endlessly creates new dishes to gorge ourselves on.
- After a day of wine, triptophane and mary jane, I need a vacation from my days off.
- Because you care, it hurts you.
- Never try and figure out what you've learned in 2 days worth of time while falling asleep at your keyboard. You may wear out your delete key.

Insides and outsides

Later is what it is right now. Later is what I wish for. Later is what it will be before I can blink an eye. Later scares me. Now is bad enough. I can't imagine what's going to happen later, since Now is such a pain in the ass already.

Tonight is the night for philosophy. Tonight is about the insides, not the outsides. I'm not sure how it happened that this night became about the insides. I'll blame Libra. I'll thank her too. It's nice to know that she's there. Not just on the other end of the phone. There in the universe. Wow, i can't explain, but she knows where this is coming from.

The words I would write are too close. I wouldn't be able to get them out. Libra will appreciate this too. This is for you, well, for us and for my father and for our Pop Pops and Nanas...

"And its been a long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass"
---Counting Crows

Things i learned today:
- Murphy's law is a violation of my civil rights.
- People don't read things. And when you hand it to them to read...they ask you what it says.
- Buying Thanksgiving dinner from Boston Market is the epitome of American laziness.
- I think I finally understand why grown-ups say the holidays are "hard".
- The best conversations in the world are marked by the dying of a cell phone battery.
- At some point...late becomes early.

Weekends fly...

A long weekend full of working and conversations and movies and just things to make a guy think.

It all started on Friday. I got to do a college fair for the school. We went to the wrong school first. It's amazing how many people don't know what's going on at their own school. Then, once we arrived at the proper location, we set up the table and rocked out the tunes. Nothing like a PA system and some rock and roll to shake up the ol' college fair atmosphere.

After the fair, we went back to the school and I popped into the end of the day class to see how things were going with my fellow teachers. We chatted a little after class and then Libra showed up. So we chatted for a moment about her plans for the day and I off-handedly reminded her we still had to go see "The Grudge" so we could compare it to "Ju-On". Her response was "Why not right now?" So we went to see a matinee of "The Grudge". Final analysis of the movie?...Go rent Ju-On.

Friday ended with some time spent at my old place of employment. I spent some time with a friend of mine there and we made some copies of a few of the shows I worked on while I was there. I'm planning on putting together a demo reel in the near future so I need all the footage I can get my hands on.

Saturday was work in the morning and then a buddy of mine and I went shopping (Comics and the bookstore...I'm a geek remember).Then we returned to my abode for some much needed video gaming. I showed off Half-Life 2 and we played some Ikaruga. (Yes yes, I already admitted I'm a geek dammit.)

Today (Sunday) was get up late, not do too much, take a nap in the afternoon to make up for some of the sleep I didn't get the night before, go to work, come home, watch television and write in the blog. It's not easy to write about a day that contains so very little. I did get to talk action movies with a customer today. It was fun to try and find something he HADN'T seen in that genre. I finally did come up with something (Equilibrium...Christian Bale...cool movie.) but it took some serious wracking of the cranial regions.

Now I sit here looking at the week ahead and shudder. So much to do, so many things to prepare. I wonder why we make the holidays such a big deal that they actually turn into a burden. Too much tradition and formality makes it hard to remember we're celebrating anything at all. So much planning, so much preparation and then POOF, you're ready to take a nap from all the triptophane. Bleh.

Things I learned today (This weekend):
- When going to a function at a school, go to the correct school.
- Japanese movies are made for smart people, American movies are made for Americans. (Though i would like to think SOME of use are intelligent.)
- Large pizzas are a scam. In fact, I'm convinced there's a conspiracy somewhere to convince people that the medium pizza is actually a large. Have you ordered a "large" lately? What a joke.
-Alabama must be a wasteland of horrible ideas and people who liked "The Grudge".
- Comic Books, Video Games, Computers and lovely-pictures-of-girls, these are a few of my favorite things.
- Doing nothing makes me tired.
- Its amazing how parallel our lives can be.

Getting through it

It is now and will be until tomorrow, one of those nasty couple of days where different jobs butt up against each other, making the rest and down time seem miniscule. Though i won't complain too much, a fellow instructor told me his schedule the other day (for this week) and I almost collapsed just hearing about it.

Tuesday was mostly organization and planning for the next few days to come. I'm going to go to the ol' job on Fri evening and get some material to put my demo together (finally) so i can get it to a few people.

I also picked up Half-Life 2. It has not diappointed thus far and I suspect it will continue to please. My computer handles it considerably well and I'm impressed with the graphics, even at the settings I am using for my system, which are not the highest.

Other than that, it's been work work work. Today was class in the morning, movies in the evening. Class was excellent and I am looking forward to the following weeks with them. I have seen a lot of interest in television so that's always exciting for me.

The only deep thoughts i've had time for recently come in the form of someone else's current situation. I keep looking at my life and comparing it to other people's problems and situations and realizing that, while I may not love the things in my life quite the way they are, I am definitley not doing so bad. A rather optimistic thought from the realist, but it'll probably change tomorrow anyway.

Things i learned today:
- Meeting new people is awesome. Meeting a group of new people that is forced to listen to you for 3 hours...that's my definition of heaven.
- McDonald's food is the worst crap on the planet. That's why i went there today.
- Sometimes you need someone else to get you through it.
- When in doubt, hit something with a crowbar and see if there's magic medical supplies and random ammo inside.

So much a blur

The days usually crawl. This weekend felt like it crawled. Then I looked up and noticed it was Tuesday. Time flew and I limped by on the sidelines, not paying attention to the hours ticking by. I guess it was just one of those weekends.

Saturday was a strange day. We woke up in the morning and watched Chronicles of Riddick over breakfast. It was a fun, entertaining, mindless action movie. Then we were planning on getting ready and going out to do some weekend type errands. Alas, the fiance kinda feinted in the shower. We went to the ER and waited for, count em...6 hours to see someone. We finally did and she clarified that due to having given blood earlier in the week and having taken a marathon shower, feinting was almost inevitable. So we went home, tired from all the waiting, and did nothing.

Sunday was comic day. We went to Buried Under and it took 2 or 3 dips into my folder to get everything out of it. I haven't been there in a little over a month, so it's my own damn fault. I put half of them back in, bought the other half and left with a headache. Then i worked at the ol' movie store Sunday night. Wether they pay me well or not, that job is interesting. And the free rentals help a lot.

Monday morning began with the opening of the new day class. KJ and I had a good time doing the interview game and talking about all things radio and television with a group of wide eyed new students. I hope they stay wide eyed. The next few weeks are an interesting mix of work, trying to find new work, and holidays. I'm trying to get mentally prepared for it now, knowing full well i'll never be prepared.

Thinks i learned today (this weekend):
- The only thing worth knowing about the Northern part of Ireland is that it's populated with mostly protestants.
- Posting in a blog(alog) is cool. It's cooler when people are actually reading it.
- Feinting in the shower sucks.
- The emergency room makes you go crazy and do stupid things like watch the Dallas reunion.
- Saying "We're still decorating" will only be good for so long, then it turns into "We're too lazy to finish moving in."
- My little black calendar simultaneously ruins and enriches my life every day. Opening that book is like doing yoga and smoking crack at the same time.

Somebody save me

Save me from the snow. Save me from myself. Save me from my life in general. Sometimes things feel so mundane i could scream. Then, at times, the world feels so bloody complicated that I wonder what it felt like when things were just moving along.

I was a movie-holic today. I watched "Ned Kelly". Which, if you haven't heard about it, is a movie based on the legend (and real person from what i understand) of Ned Kelly and the Kelly gang in Australia. It was very cool. Heath Ledger, Orlando Bloom, Naomi Watts means good strong acting. I might have to write a full on review for this one.

The other movie I saw this evening was "Saved". I love movies that are able to both attack a religious idea and also embrace it at the same time. This movie was set in a christian high school, with a group of extremely christian children. It was about high school, and how hard it is and how life sometimes gets in the way of religion. It was an excellent commentary on life and spirituality and the difficulties of having both without any extremes. It was just good.

Other than that and some sitting around typing on my computer and chatting with some people, it's been a snowy, cold day of conversations and contemplations, with only a couple of tears in the process.

Things i learned today:
- No one is perfect, not even my parents. But i got stuck with some of the best parents on the planet.
- Words are better with -alog attached to the endalog.
- Skydiving is scary, but sometimes it's the only way to get into the fortress.
- I love. I don't need to be specific with that, because when i write it like that it's always true.
- I'm sometimes tempted to name my first born child Mary Jane.
- When you have that chance, don't let it slip away.
- We think so much, sometimes we forget to just feel.

Windows to the soul

I definitely have a better appreciation of eyes now. I hung out with Libra a little while tonight and we watched Ju-On. This is the movie that the Grudge (now in theaters, check your local listings) is a remake of. What can i say...woah. It was intense, beautiful to watch and definitely worthy of being called one of the best horror films of all time.

We had heard that Robin Williams was going to be on Whose Line tonight so while i was up with Libra we watched it. I laughed loudly for a long time. It was excellent and nice to see Robin Williams getting to do what he's so good at with a group of guys who are some of the best improv performers out there. I would love to have been in that audience.

Other than that the day was work, meetings, work, bleh. I had a nice "quick" dinner with my fiance. We talked a little about the christmas plans. Yes, we're planning Christmas things already and no I won't call Guiness to tell them i'm doing something ahead of time. It's just necessary and I hope that it works out.

Things i learned today:
- People who overdub Japanese need to understand, just because the real voice is inflected a certain way doesn't mean you have to copy them when you translate. You sound like morons sometimes.
- Small dogs can be taken care of with a simple dose of good ol' fashioned mary jane.
- Full Frame DVD's are like appendixes. They might have been ok at some point, now they're pretty useless.
- I'd rather kill myself than hear another word about "Me and Emily".
- When scheduling something, remember to write it on the CORRECT day in your calendar.
- My little black book doesn't have a single damn phone number in it. But it does tell me what to do. Sounds like someone i dated in high school.
- I missed that feeling. Comfortable. I'm relieved to know it still exists.

Heart Helmets

I wish sometimes, (and i know you'll agree with me on this one) that I could get a helmet that fits my heart. If we are to believe that one person can think with three basic parts of themselves, (those parts being the brain, heart and genitalia), and we also know that 2 of those three parts can be protected, what of my heart? I'm going to invent some sort of force field helmet for my heart, make a fortune selling them to people. Believe me I know how this sounds. If my heart had any kind of protection, hell if ANY of us had any kind of protective barrier up in front of our hearts then life would be simpler, less nerve-racking. When you're around that certain someone and all you can think to do is kiss them, but you can't because of some stupid reason that seemed so good before you want to tear your hair out.

So i propose the Heart Helmet. Now go...invent it.

Things i learned today:
- Trucks with cranes on them are cool.
- Some people take convenience a little too far.
- Every day i try to return to normal, and every day i fall in love again.
- Communication is the most important part.
- A kiss is not just a kiss.
- Life is better when you're watching your trippy screen saver with your friends.
- Nachos rule, Monterey Jack rules, melt the latter over the former and PRESTO...instant heaven.

Days in the sun

Today I did not spend much time in the sun. That may explain my pale complexion, it may explain my pale explanation, it might even explain my pale interaction.

How random can I possibly be in a weblog post. Probably a bit worse, but then you'd stop reading and go "He's on drugs." So instead, let's talk about what I did today (Sunday).

Got up this morning and did the ol' computer morning routine along with the rest of my morning routines. I made a little breakfast, read some of the book Libra gave me and then read some more. I wound up taking a nap in the afternoon before work because I knew i'd need it before the night of fun at the movie store.

The job, as always, was most enlightening about the human condition. I seem to learn more there about people than i do when i'm teaching a room full of students. It's a very good place to be an observer of people, and since i tend to do that anyway, i'm like a bloody bird watcher at work. People worry me, scare me and make me laugh. This is all thanks to my silly job at the movie store. *sigh*

Things i learned today:
-Trying to hum a song to someone in an IM...yeah that doesn't work.
- Everyone who needs a bag for their movie assumes that I know they need a bag, so they are angry when i don't give them one. I must be a lousy mindreader.
- What is it about the Kates, Caits, Katherines and Caitlyns in the world that intrigues me so?
- I love cigarettes.
- I can't afford to smoke.
- Cigarettes are bad for you, and costly.
- I hate cigarettes.
- If i could spend my life making movie quotes and hacing people guess and get them to pay me to do it, i'd be the happies man alive.
- If i could turn back time, if i could find a way. I'd take back all the words that have hurt you and you'd stay.

Stepford Saturday

I had to work on Saturday. Bleh. I have to work today (Sunday) as well. Bleh again. But work is rather important at this juncture in the life of my bank account considering how much money i have. Bleh again again.

After work we picked up a Pizza Hut "Full House" pizza. Ok, I'm a victim of advertising, I admit it! It was pretty good. We agreed that we did not like it as much as their straight up deep dish with the mega-oily crust. Artery clogging goodness.

During the artery-clogging ingestion of pizza and beer (Bass is her new favorite. Well, her first favorite actually.) we watched the Stepford Wives. Excellent movie. After some research, she discovered that William Goldman wrote the original screenplay. I love that man.

After movie and arterial mania I proceeded down into the lair. I spoke with Libra about the book she let me borrow. It's not often i borrow books from people and really, truly, enjoy them. I'll read them, go "eh" and say thanks for the read. This book (and I'm guessing the whole series) is a little bit addicting. I can't read fast enough.

Things I learned today:
- Nicole Kidman is lovely. Shes lovelier as a robot slave woman that will do whatever I say.
- I believe in a thing called love, regardless of what The Darkness says.
- She's hiding behind walls. She's teasing people with ladders. I worry for the hearts involved in the outcome.
- I think they should be called "Extra Features" not "Special Features". The word special implies more than most features can live up to.
- Marijuana is better than coffee for helping you get rid of a headache and sleep soundly through a night.
- My mother is on Martha's Vineyard while I write this. She's cleaning the house. I'd still rather be there than here.

Buying Hangers

Today (Friday) was my day off. Not to say that I did nothing today, just that I didn't HAVE to do anything. I watched "Poolhall Junkies". A movie about, you guessed it, poolhalls. I enjoyed it immensely. I read some reviews of it online that didn't like it, but I disagree.

Then i did some more laundry. Yes I realize i've been doing laundry for like 3 days or something, but I hadn't done ALL of my laundry for months. It was always a smattering of laundry-duty here and there. I needed socks, i washed some socks and a few other things (To fill up the load). But I set out on a mission a couple days ago to get it ALL done. It is.

I also organized it and hung it. Next thing you know i'm going to be buying hangers because i'm running out. Wait, i did that today. I also bought some sort of male facial cleanser. So either i'm spontaneously becoming a metrosexual or all that advertising on television about that male facial cleanser has worked. We'll see if it becomes part of the daily routine.

Things i learned today:
- The DMV won't let you have "SHIT" on a license plate, but they will allow "SHITTY".
- Attaching "-alog" to any word makes it funny and interesting to sayalog. (See!?)
- I organize by throwing away useless crap. Or, at least, I think it's useless, i hope they agree when they find out i hucked it.
- Automatic transmissions are for pansies, a few of my friends are exceptions because they're pansies regardless of what they drive.
- Pets are like children with no potential for THEM to take care of YOU someday.

Propane is flammable

I find myself, at 1 in the morning, trying to remember what today has consisted of and only being able to remember what time it is. I need to write earlier. I will try to keep this coherent.

One thing i've learned is that I'll never be bored at home. I have so many distractions in my living space that I actually get distracted from simple things like laundry and making lunch. Between the computers and the game systems and the television and the piano and the guitar and the books and...you get the idea.

I woke up later than i wanted to. I went downstairs and was distracted from my morning "taking of the pills" by the guitar. I played through some songs i've written recently, not liking how my voice sounds when i first wake up. Then i carried on with the morning routine until I found myself doing laundry and then settling into my desk chair, my computer monitor fading from black to my desktop, Elisha Cuthbert wallpaper in all it's glory. I checked the email, checked the buddy list, read some news. It was a pretty standard morning of domestic responsibility shunned for the internet and other distractions.

Then i went to work in the afternoon. I began organizing the editing rooms. I worked and chatted with some people until this evening. Then we graduated the Summer 2004 Tu/Th class. It was nice to see people's relatives and friends there. They worked so hard, I'm glad they got to share some of it with people they care about.

How mundane is all of this? I'm not even trying for mundane, it's just happening that way. I will say this though. Tonight wasn't the first time i've been at a class graduation, but for some reason I was thinking a lot about that place and the people. I meet so many people, and I realized tonight, what has always been the case. Everyone i meet, regardless of how well i wind up knowing them, changes my life. That's one of the reasons why i love this job.

Some things i learned today:
- Doing laundry would be so much better if someone else did it for me.
- Propane is flammable, but not that flammable.
- CSB and ADD are almost synonomous sometimes.
- I need a new dayminder, mine ends in December.
- Life goes on and usually we go with it. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
- Chinese food is only good until you swallow it.

All in your hands

Well calling it an interesting day doesn't do it justice, and calling it a "good" day isn't quite true. Though calling it a bad day would also be a lie. It was a day to remember for a number of reasons, not all of them good.

The damn election first of all. What the hell? For once in my life i've taken to caring about politics and it sucks. I can almost hear them announcing the draft and the instatement of a new "decency" act to drive Radio and Television back to the 1950s again. *sigh*

I'll try and sum up the rest of the day in a couple of sentences. I went to work this morning, played Fahrenheit 9/11, complained with some customers about last night. I saw a friend after work whom i have not seen in a while, we chatted, it was excellent. I have a book to read now. I came home, chatted with a bunch of people all night and here I am. Boring day. Enlightening day.

Some things i learned today:
- It's harder to count rolls of pennies when they are stacked on top of each other.
- Beautiful women riding bicycles to drop off movies at the movie store shouldn't be allowed to bring their boyfriends.
- Buy 2 Get 1 Free is a better deal than Buy 2 get 2 Free.(according to one woman anyway.)
- For a guy who tries to be happy all the time, i'm piling on the regrets like gravy.
- I will sleep soundly tonight, for the first time in a long time.
- William Goldman was right, is right and will always be right.
- She didn't go away.

Woven

"These are the webs that we've weaved. I mean woven."

Yes, that was one of the more interesting parts of the day. Oh well, i never did claim I had good english. But that does sum up what the day was like. Very very random.

I've been thinking a lot about Vegas as I talk to other people about my experiences in sin city. I point out some of the interesting contradictions i noticed and most people shrug it off as if to say "Well of course, wasn't it obvious." Maybe it was obvious, but i marvel at having seen it in person. Something is always different when you experience it up close and personal. That's why, when it all comes down to it, watching porn will never be as good as having sex. (woah, it must be late if i'm using porn as a reference.)

Some things i learned today:
-Red hats look good on K-Rock
-Eating Wendy's before class is a lousy idea
-Sometimes I wish i was 30 and played billiards.
-It's cold enough to wear a jacket now.
-Sometimes an explanation wasn't worth the effort.
-Advice only makes sense if you take it.
-More than 2 colors in her hair doesn't make her sexy, everything else about her makes her sexy, the hair is just cool.
-Sometimes compliments get you into trouble, even when they're taken well.
-Staying up late is only worth it if you have something to do. Otherwise you wind up writing in your weblog at a ridiculous hour and it comes out poorly.