Past And Future

At the beginning of something new, there is always the need to deal with those things that have happened to us in the past. Dealing with previous relationships is the hardest. When those from our past don't deal with the situation well, it's difficult to see the brightness of the present, clouded by a shadow from the past.

In some cases, I understand. In the beginning of this relationship I am dealing with a few pieces of my life that are important, that have history, that aren't necessarily obligated to be thrilled that I am in a new relationship. All I can hope for is that we stay open and honest. All I can hope for is that they remember, that they always remember that I love them.

Sometimes, though, we're not so lucky. Yes, I've needed to deal with history that is important to me. Because it's important to me. Because they are important to me. Sometimes, people react before they think. They say things, harsh things, and things they may regret later.

My beautiful woman has been dealing with this recently. In the midst of happiness, she has been brought down. Because of history, and because she's trying to deal with it correctly. I've been blessed with the people in my life, even if it was hard, even when I made mistakes, they stayed willing to give me a chance, to love them and show that I do.

The challenge isn't being happy. We are happy. She, as she has said to me, is happy. The challenge is not letting the sadness that comes with hard history, with the feelings of those around us, take over the happiness.

I hope she can. I hope she remembers how much "us" means to me. I hope through this she knows I'm here for her. She can always come running, always call, always ask whenever she needs it. Sometime I'm going to need her shoulder, her comfort. To know that she cries over these things tears me apart. The beauty of the idea. Crying because she does care. Yet, crying all the same.

Helpless is my word for last night. It's my word for today. I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to take it away and I couldn't. She's a strong soul. She will survive, even without me here to comfort her. It still rips me apart. Because now, I am here. I want to be her strength when she needs it. I hope she knows she can ask.

Above all else, we are together. We have only just begun, and even the hardest things are temporary. While the love we share is eternal. Haunted by a past of our own making, and still the future is bright and beautiful.