Counting Demons

I can count my demons. It takes more than my hands can manage, but I can count them. They've been inventoried, categorized and made to wander only within their specific, confined locations. I've made peace with some and won the battles with some others.

Tonight, sitting in the lounge with the Fuz and GrenadeBoy I realized that there was a demon whispering in my ear. He was remembering, he was reminiscing about his time of glory. His time, when I listened and did as he asked. His time, when I almost ruined my life. I'm not sure why he was remembering. Perhaps it was the atmosphere, or the company, or just the stars glittering above us on the ceiling.

Fuz knows me quite well for the short amount of time I've known her. I've let her in much quicker than anyone else. She's very important to me now. I realized that when I left her apartment toinight, dropping her off and watching her and GrenadeBoy walk up the stairs. I've told her things. Things I would not, do not and will never tell the public in general. They are my demons, my skeletons. I may not be in control of everything, but I am allowed to decide who knows me, inside and out.

A pang of jealousy? Of course. The Fuz is a rockstar. I want to see her happy more than anything else. I want to see her have an honest, open relationship with GrenadeBoy. So, of course, a pang of jealousy. But also, throughout the night, a good vibe. To be around two people who are so intense to me in their own way was almost overwhelming. I can't wait to do it again.

I was in my element. I was afire with eyes roaming. Sitting there, at that bar, with the stars hanging above, I felt good, content, almost unquestionably happy. That's not usual. Though my eternal fire is made up of the bold, directness...I can take it all in, process and play in a very short amount of time. I hope I get the chance again soon.

And now my eyes are heavy...forgive me dear reader if it's messy, or incomprehensible. I wrote fast, stream of consionsness. And, like so many stories, you'll have to wait for the end.