The First Time

I'm listening to "Of Love and Hope". If you've been reading the blog for a while you'll know that this CD has been hard to come by. Until my friend Ms. Twist decided to send a copy to me. Now i'm sitting here listening. Now i'm sitting here with my tears. Tears of remembrance, of happiness and sadness and melancholy. Tears that remind me of who I am again. They remind me of the beginnings of things. My first times.

How fitting that Ms. Twist would send this to me. The first woman I ever fell in love with. The first person I ever knew I'd love forever that wasn't related to me. Her lullabye is on here, as are some of the poems i loved when I was younger, poems I listened to like they were scripture.

"Acquainted with the Night" and "You Darkness" taught me to cherish the night, the darkness, to exist in it and cherish it for it's perfection.

This was the first time i had ever heard Sonnet CXVI (116). I have had it memorized for years now.

I bought "Letters to a Young Poet" because of this CD. Rainer Marie Rilke is still a favorite of mine...

...I fell in love with this CD ages ago. So much here is a part of my life, so much a part of the deepest pieces of who I am. Once again Ms. Twist has made me smile and remember. Thank you m'lady, for helping me remember. Thank you for still being here, after all these years. Not all of us are so blessed to still be friends with the first person we cared about so deeply. You helped me through some times when all I needed was an ear, or to hold your hand. I hope you know how precious this is to me. How precious you are to me. I remember rewriting lyrics in the darkness of my room, one candle burning on the bed side table. So many things are lost now, but some, even in the fog of memory, break through and echo...and I remember and smile and cry for beauty's sake.

"The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses.
Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands."