No Control

Just letting everything go is harder than one might imagine. This weekt that i've been away from my blog i've had various reasons for not posting. Sometimes it was fear of what I might say. Other times I began to type, often in an entirely exhausted state, and upon brief review found it wasn't worth posting what I had written. Today is another day though. Some things need to be out of my system.

I've always believed that the "L" word wasn't something you could see coming. In fact, i always thought that really important relationships regardless of their caliber were going to happen with no attempt on our parts to find them or make them happen. It wasn't a creeping kind of feeling. It was a smack me in the face kind of feeling. I'd always read about it like that and the few times i'd experienced it that was how it had been. But my theory was always full of doubt. Now I can rest easy knowing that what we think in our heads and what happens in our hearts stand together but alone. There is no control when it happens. There should never be control over such a wonderful thing. I should thank Libra and GrenadeBoy.

As for my friend in plain sight. I'm still working on a good nickname for her so I can reference her here anonymously. I'll try and come up with something by the end of this paragraph...

...Eliza. Because she can be the prim proper picture of a homemaker but inside she is wild and needs to be free.

So we went out last night. What an amazing time. I felt so alive and I know Eliza did too. We wound up at 2 different places. We were hanging out with the guys from the radio station most of the evening. It was a great time. I remember so many things, but I don't have the space to list them all. I remember Theresa and Michael Knight and House of Pain and the beer flowing and the smoke and the mega-heineken and the guy outside giving the girls a hard time and Eliza giving lessons on how to pick up chicks. I remember watching Eliza. I remember the aura she gave off. It was intoxicating to me, i can't imagine what it did to some of the others around her. We fit into the situation. I've always loved crowds, music, parties, places where people are alive. I was alive last night.

Things i learned today: (This week)
- Calzones with no Ricotta cheese. Love 'em. Call me a bad italian, i don't care.
- Christmas shopping...no thank you. Besides, my bank account was laughing at me the entire time.
- My faith in Destiny's ability has been restored.
- When it rains it pours, usually on me.
- Ani was right..."Love is like falling and falling is like this."
- My beer of choice is Gin.
- Honesty is good. Honest is hard. Honesty makes people run away sometimes. I'm very happy she didn't.
- Ignoring problems doesn't solve them, but it makes waking up less difficult.