Overload

It feels like the world has turned a full rotation since last time I wrote here. In some ways, it has. I keep looking at the date of the last time I wrote. Pre-production was almost a week ago. I'm still there, still planning, working things out, struggling, feeling sometimes.

I know i'm going to forget to write about all the things that have happened. I know I've already filed things into their appropriate places and will be hard pressed to retrieve them for this post. Wish me luck.

I've had a lot of realization. I'm starting again. I'm starting over and I'm scared as hell. I've been occupying myself with the people I love. I've been trying to soften the blows of reality with a cushion of compassion. It has worked sometimes, and occasionally it has backfired.

Honesty seems to run rampant in my life at times. Part of that is because I believe so strongly in it. I believe that if you are not honest with those you love you are not loving them as much as you should. Sometimes, most of the time, honesty is the hard road.

With Miashell, I'm honest. She is honest with me as well. It's not always the easiest thing. We seem to do it quite well. We are old souls together, memories and bonds that we cannot always comprehend keep us how we are. It is amazing to me that, until recently, we had not seen each other for a while. It doesn't feel like there is any time lost. (I'm not sure if i've named Miashell's wife yet, so I will now. We'll call her Mee.)

I've been spending some time with Miashell. I've been spending some time with Miashell and Mee. They are both incredible people. Miashell laughs at how alike Mee and I are. But then, the realization that she would obviously be attracted to the same type of people hits and she just chuckles and Mee and I return to our video game.

Sometimes I almost change my mind about my honesty policy. It means I have to be honest with myself. That's not always the easiest. Talking to Libra the other night, having had an "honesty session" with myself earlier that day, I wound up in the midst of honest. It was hard, it was scary. I'm not sure if it was for the better or not. I just know it had to be explained. Not a night goes by without that star being wished on, not a conversation slips through without my thoughts leading to that place. In the end, though, I like my coffee with cream, but if I have to drink it black, just so I can have coffee, then black it is.

Monday. What do i say about time spent with Miashell that I haven't already said. Amazing, earth shattering, intense, comfortable, simple. We're peas in a pod. We could argue until we're blue in the face. Or we could just smile and go buy cookies from Mee at her bake sale. Usually, we choose the latter. I'm curious to see if we still argue like we used too. We didn't argue a lot, but when we did, what fun. Such a Libra/Scorpio am I.

And now, today. I'm organizing. I'm contemplating. I'm planning. Pre-production continues. I'm avoiding the overload one duck, one jump, one well planned dodge at a time. So if i look a little frantic, at least you'll know why. Time for more coffee...black.