Suck it up

That's what i'm doing. That's what I have decided. I suppose i should have just skipped the prelude and gotten to this realization. But, whatever the reason, or the path to here, here I am.

So the past few days haven't been simple. They haven't been mundane. They've been annoying in some ways, amazing in some others. Romantic in some, logical in others. I can't quite decide if I am happy or just happy to have these few days behind me. Don't get me wrong, some of the things in those days were fantastic. But some of the others could have been excluded.

I went to brunch with TZ Sunday morning. She came over and told me all about this guy she's pining over. I told her all about my life as of late and we caught up. I hadn't seen her in a while, and it was nice. She's a Taurus. Very much so. We're playing a game. It's going to be fun. Who's the bigger romantic. I'm not sure if winning is better than losing. I'm not worried either way, actually.

Monday. Monday was a holiday. It was Valentines Day. It was horrible. It was amazing. In the morning Miashell came over. I had gotten her a card. She had gotten me one too. It's nice to know I can always say I love you. It's nice to know she'll say it back. Because we do. Because it's that easy. That was the good part of the day.

The bad part was always there. When i got little things to give to a couple of people, i also got something for a certain ex-fiance. I got her a small box of chocolate. I couldn't get her nothing. I couldn't imagine that. I had to still say I love you. Because I do. I don't like this situation. I can't change it now, only make sure it doesn't wind up bad. So i bought her a valentine's day gift. Because Valentines day is for I love yous, even in the most difficult situation.

I couldn't walk away. From her. From this. I have to deal with it somehow. I hate it in so many way. But I can't avoid it. I could drive away, it wouldn't matter. It would all still be here. So i choose the hard road as usual. Or maybe it chooses me. I don't get what I want. But I do get to suck it up.