Truth

Truth is what I believe in. Maybe it sounds like an over-romanticized ideal in this day and age. Maybe it reminds people of Superman fighting for truth, justice and the American way. That's not what I mean though. I mean truth. The painful kind, the important kind. The kind that makes life worth carrying on with and makes friends that will last a lifetime, not just until the next round. How do I believe in truth and lie. How do I withold information that seems so crucial because it's "not my place" to say anything? And in turn, I might just ruin a good thing. Destroy a good friendship, a good trust, because I'm doing the right thing.

I won't let go, and I have to. I won't stop feeling and I should. I won't let this break my heart again and it is. It's my responsibility to fix it. It's my job, i'm the one that believes in truth. I'm the one that got us here. I need to make it better. But then, is there a way to make it better and stay true to myself? Is there a way to fix this feeling in the context of a situation where the only one who understands what I mean is me? No, it doesn't look like there is.

In other pastures there are other people. They've made me laugh and helped me cry and watched Alias with me. They've left marks on my body that I love. They've left marks on my heart that i'll always cherish. They are a cathartic force in my life. They understand.

And this morning, at 3:30 or so, my life flashed back. The phone rang and it was college again. Drunken calling at it's best. Unless she was just completely exhausted, she was drunk. We talked for 10 minutes or so, nothing very coherent, but she did invite me to visit. It almost feels like an invitation to travel back in time. A time when i should have been happier. A time when i should have seen how things would be. Now, i can just reminisce. I'll always answer the phone at odd hours, it's a part of life worth living, like watching the sun rise.

All that I wanted were things I had before
All that I needed I never needed more
All of my questions are answers to my sins
All of my endings waiting to begin