I've been having daydreams. I've been thinking about going west. I think, for the first time, possibly in my life, I have a chance to be unshackled. I have a chance to try something. I'm not sure if it will come to fruition like i want it to. I'm not planning anything for sure yet. I'm just in pre-production meetings with my life right now.
I keep thinking of California. I might have an opportunity. I might have more than one. But It's the other side of the country. I always said I didn't want to stay in CT. I don't. Can I leave all of these relationships here? So many people. Family, friends, loved ones. People who have changed my life. I know how small the world is. I talk every night with people from around the world and don't think twice. But the phyiscal closeness of those I love. That is something I need.
There are people there in California. Jazzy is there. I would love to see her. I will probably take a preliminary trip out there. To see her. To see what it feels like. Maybe it sounds over-romantic, but I need to get the aura of the place before I decide. I also, from the practical sense, need to know if a job is there. Any job. Something like what i'm doing, or not.
This is me in pre-production for my life. This is me remembering that there is nothing keeping me anywhere. I have no chain. I have nothing but my own ambition now. Nothing but my own drive. I get scared sometimes that my drive will drive me off a cliff.
I've been told i'm dangerous. Maybe I am. Maybe it's time to try and embrace it. Maybe it's time to finish all this pre-production and just start shooting the scene.
Things I learned today:
- Pain is pain, no matter who has it.
- No, she won't understand why. It doesn't lessen the intensity.
- Late nights, early nights, just give me nights. Lots of nights.
3 comments:
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." -Helen Keller
sorry to be a downer...but for those of us who have recently become very selfish, i say, 'do not go west young man!' sorry miashell, i've just done the whole moving across the country and back again and don't believe the grass is greener anywhere but where you decide to plant it! love you my shado!
It's not like you visit me living in CT, so what's the difference? At least you'll be tan and warm. There's nothing like sun to do a guy good. AND it'll be cheaper when I wanna visit the sun state to have someone there to provide me with a place to sleep (or leave my bags, whatever).
Adventure is the name of the game, son. If Yoda didn't say that, he should have.
Lovingly,
LeeaPeea
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